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  • Welcome to Child Bereavement Support
    parents for bereaved parents We offer a network of support and friendship to everyone in Singapore who loses a child of any age from miscarriage to stillbirth to early infancy to later childhood how long ago or in what circumstances We published a Chinese translation of this book in 2006 and we revised and updated the English version in June 2012 Associated with The Child Bereavement Charity formerly known as

    Original URL path: http://cbss.sg/ (2013-01-30)
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  • Welcome to Child Bereavement Support
    important bond Along the way we have met many other bereaved parents from a variety of racial religious and cultural backgrounds We are united in our sorrow pain and yearning for our children AND in our desire to help each other by sharing our different experiences as we struggle along our individual journeys of grief As an independent parent to parent organization one of CBS main objectives is to provide

    Original URL path: http://cbss.sg/who_we_are.html (2013-01-30)
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  • Welcome to Child Bereavement Support
    meetings are only open to bereaved parents individuals may bring a family member or friend along to support them if they wish but we would appreciate it if you would let us know in advance The meetings offer a safe welcoming and understanding forum where we are all free to talk about our experiences and our feelings about the loss of our children To find out when our next support

    Original URL path: http://cbss.sg/meetings.html (2013-01-30)
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  • Welcome to Child Bereavement Support
    her energy crying With nothing to do it can be all too easy to fall into what she calls a spiral of sorrow leaving you exhausted from crying and heartache Falling into a lethargy of despair could be damaging to you physically as well as psychologically if left unchecked It may then be a good idea to divert this energy elsewhere Many of the parents in our network have found great comfort from volunteering at places like the Assisi Home and Hospice a day centre at Mount Alvernia Hospital for children with cancer or the Rainbow Centre a day centre for children with special needs or helping to paint rooms at the KK Hospital NICU Help your mother or the old lady next door by doing their marketing Go window shopping or to the museum or if you feel up to it to your child s favourite parks If you can muster the energy it can also be very beneficial to be physically active many parents have found running or long early morning walks therapeutic this may have the added benefit of reducing insomnia Many people feel that by pouring their energy into physical activity particularly if it helps others they are helping to expel their own emotional pain Memorials remembering with love Memorials provide an invaluable way of staying connected with your child of acknowledging them and remembering them with love Memorials can be private or public and have many forms of expression Max s family have a bench at the Zoo at one of his favourite exhibits the chimpanzees with a small plaque with his photo and their friends at home in the UK planted a tree for him Friends of Grace s parents have named a star after her Grace s father made a compact disc with special music and photos Edward s parents keep his footprints and planted a fragrant white flowering bush in the front of their house Alexandra s uncle placed a memorial plaque with her name in a new church in London and her aunt planted a tree for her in Scotland Friends of Alexandra s parents raised money for a new incubator at the NICU where she died Another friend has written a cookery book with her daughter s favourite recipes Both Jordan s parents and Jakob s parents have set up websites with their children s stories and pictures Sascha s parents make a donation to a different charity every year on his birthday to honour his life and the goodness he would have brought Others have established special scholarships commissioned statues donated a special item like a stained glass window to a church or a work of art to a school or a special book to a library We all keep favourite framed photos Friends can also help with memorials A few months after Alistair died his tennis group organised a special tournament in his honour and made a beautifully engraved Alistair Cup as the trophy This allowed all his friends to join in and remember him together Talk about him tell your story Most of us will find it immensely difficult to talk about our child s death particularly in the early weeks and months But it can be very therapeutic Ning s mother Val says It took me a while but I now believe that telling my story about Ning s death helped me manage the reality of my loss The repetition at first left me miserable but the more I told my story the stronger I felt I am still heartbroken every time I relate it but not in despair And I would mention her name if it comes up and this may sometimes surprise people I remember replying to a question I have 3 kids 2 boys and an angel I felt good that I did not deny having 3 children Many people friends and acquaintances and maybe even relatives might be afraid that if they mention your child s name that it will cause you even more pain It can help you as well as others to let those around you know that it is OK to speak of your child that remembering your child is painful but not as painful as NOT remembering your child Others will be put at ease by your instruction because they also do not know what to do or say to help you Help siblings to remember without fear One of the most difficult parts of dealing with your grief for your lost child is to try to explain things to surviving siblings and to help them to understand what death means whilst not frightening them Ryan s mother Jeanne talks of how difficult it has been to try to protect his 8 year old brother Russell from her own pain putting on a brave face when all she wanted to do was collapse in tears She and her husband Nicholas worry that Russell has had to mature early Another bereaved mother Gracie talks of how she and her husband involve their older son Marco in their weekly ritual of tending Luca s grave and how they make it a family outing and visit nearby farms Jordan s mother Adriana always talks to her 2 year old daughter Charlotte about her special baby brother every night before she goes to sleep Charlotte goes to look at the stars and says she s saying Good Night to Jordan And five years after his death Sascha is still very much a present member of the family As the only member in spirit he has a very special place in everyone s heart Rebecca and Fabian were told at 4 months of pregnancy that their baby son faced severe developmental problems and that he would not live long so they had a long time to prepare their 2 year old daughter Ashley They talked to her about it and explained to her that her baby brother would not look normal he had

    Original URL path: http://cbss.sg/how_to_cope.html (2013-01-30)
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  • Welcome to Child Bereavement Support
    the news was told to everyone who needed to know helping with funeral arrangements and administrative necessities Continued support hang in there Even harder than being there in those whirlwind early days is to stay the course and continue to be there as a support to the bereaved parents Many parents recount how it all seems to get even harder after the initial flurry of activity when the funeral is over and there is nothing more to be done When friends have gone back to their normal lives and the house is quiet again the hard job of learning to cope with a shattered life and overwhelming grief only just begins Alexandra s mother Marina says The friends that made a difference to me a BIG difference were those few who stayed the course and persisted and persisted with me They would come and see me all the time even in hospital cook us dinner weeks and weeks after Alex s death and never behave as if things were all back to normal Don t abandon a grieving parent hang in there with them Ning s mother Val says After the horror of the first few weeks check in on the bereaved couple and perhaps create occasions for them to just hang out with you and your family It is always heartwarming when friends offer time to spend with you Some bereaved couples appreciate having children around them little friends of their lost child although not everyone can deal with it in the early days Use your intuition to decide how the couple feels Friends of Alistair s parents continued to ask them to join in the social tennis at their condo and even if they didn t always feel like it they appreciated the gesture They also appreciated friends inviting them for quiet dinners at their houses and not expecting them to talk much or stay long but just continuing to include them and care about them Three months after Sascha died a close friend of the family came from far away to stay for a while She helped to pack his clothes away and spend time with the other children But she didn t just come that one time she continued to write express her concern for years remembering death and birth anniversaries and visiting whenever possible This is real friendship and it makes a big difference Don t be afraid of their tears Often friends will feel that they are treading on eggshells trying not to say the wrong thing that might make the grieving parent start to cry But bereaved parents need friends who can cope with their sorrow and not be afraid of their tears it can be such a support to be with someone who genuinely cares about you and with whom you feel completely safe to open up and cry The grief is not going to go away crying is not going to make it worse Showing your own tears is a way

    Original URL path: http://cbss.sg/how_to_lend_support.html (2013-01-30)
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  • Welcome to Child Bereavement Support
    never be forgotten adding another level of bitterness to the pain of the loss of our child And yet where parents have been comforted by the helping hand of a compassionate sensitive caring individual these positive experiences have shone out like a beacon of hope in the midst of the awful darkness As one bereaved parent Sonya Szpojnarowicz remembers I know that I will never forget the kindness of one particular man the forensic pathologist who carried out my son Max s autopsy He stepped forward to help when he realized that we were becoming more upset due to the behaviour of the police officer and staff at the mortuary he took the time to say I m so sorry and he gently kindly calmly helped to explain the procedures to us so that we didn t feel so lost and confused He took the time to discuss his various autopsy findings with us dealing patiently and helpfully with our questions over many phone conversations and emails Then a year later when he happened to see mention of our family in the newspaper in a story about a memorial bench we had planned at the Zoo and the piece related that I was pregnant he took the trouble to write to congratulate us His kindness thoughtfulness his humanity have been such a comfort to me Through our support network we are sharing our experiences and our ideas and we are bringing the voices of these bereaved parents into the professional community so that doctors nurses mortuary staff police officers undertakers and other professionals who interact with bereaved families can hear first hand what it is that we really want and need in our hour of most desperate sorrow Often reaching the right person in such organisations is key to facilitating

    Original URL path: http://cbss.sg/professional_community.html (2013-01-30)
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  • Welcome to Child Bereavement Support
    Karagiannis Davyn Teoh Yung Jien Darren Lim Rui Yang Edward Burridge Eiso Douwe Boer Faith Yaw Grace Watkins Jakob Ajani Wu Shao Jazzy Wren Jordan Tan Wei Kai Kareem and Shakeel Yeo Katie Jonis Kendra Chiota Payne Lee Shan Ning Eryn Lily Belle Bilton Lucas Ethan Wong Kai Ren Maria Thi Hien Bui Matthew Raymond Barrett Max Szpojnarowicz Maxence Kang Paphassarang Nathaniel Joash and Ashley Sim Ng Chook Kwan Nur

    Original URL path: http://cbss.sg/our_children.html (2013-01-30)
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  • Welcome to Child Bereavement Support
    Childâ Second Edition To view the First Edition please click here Associated with The Child Bereavement Charity formerly known as The Child Bereavement Trust Registered Charity No 1040419 in the

    Original URL path: http://cbss.sg/farewell_my_child.html (2013-01-30)
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